Welcome to the PolyOrlando Web Site

Introduction

Polyamory (pronounced "pä-lE 'a-mrr E) is being called the New Relationship Paradigm. People everywhere are questioning the long-standing idea that love must be limited to a single individual. Is it possible to love more than one person at a time successfully? Many people are asking this question, and some are pleasantly surprised to find that it is possible. Polyamory will not work for everyone, but there are many people in the world who are simply not compatible with the monogamous lifestyle. The members of that small group of people are beginning to reach out to one another, and seek support, friendship, and love.

Are you polyamorous? What is the most important thing in life? Read on, and learn more about what polyamory means, how polyamory is practiced, and even communicate with other polyamorists, you will find both answers within yourself.

What is Polyamory?

Polyamory  means "loving more than one". Polyamory is the conscious espousal of more than one concurrent adult loving relationship which incorporates the agreed-upon option of sexual intimacy. It is the nonpossessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than simply accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time. Polyamory is an umbrella term that integrates traditional multi-partner relationship terms with more evolved egalitarian terms. Polyamory embraces sexual equality and all sexual orientations towards an expanded circle of spousal intimacy and love. Polyamory is from the root words Poly meaning many and Amour meaning love hence "many loves" or Polyamory. Of course, love itself is a rather ambiguous term, but most polys seem to define it as a serious, intimate, romantic, or less structured, affectionate bond, which a person has with another person or group of persons. This bond usually, though not necessarily always, involves sex. Sexualove or eromance are other words that have been coined to describe this kind of love. Other terms often used as synonyms for polyamory are responsible, ethical or intentional non-monogamy.

Polyamory is about reality in human nature. People, by primal nature, are truly non-monogamous. If you study the first societies of the world, and 86% of Earth's cultures today, even the Old Testament of the Christian Bible, you will find the basic concepts of Polyamory practiced in loving relationships on many levels.

Polyamory is about total honesty and openness in relationships. Most monogamous relationships end in divorce or break-up  due to cheating or jealousy. Polyamory allows mutual love to be honest and open about passions, desires and/or needs that differ from your significant other... and allow each person to explore what they need to be complete and happy. So, is loving someone a good reason to stop loving someone else? We don't think so!

Polyamory is a self-awareness and understanding that every person has a right to be totally free, including the heart and soul on issues of love and passion. It means giving the person you love the freedom to share themselves intimately with others as they desire,   on an emotional, intellectual, spiritual and/or sexual level, based on the guidelines that you and your partner(s) agree upon.

Polyamory is a lovestyle and is a way of life.
Polyamory is a lovestyle and, as a way of life, is about taking the road less traveled. Polyamory is about community, honesty, ethics and about learning unconditional love. Polyamory is about future family models and the belief that human beings have the ability to love more than one person intimately in a committed, sustainable, multiple relationship. Polyamory is about maturity and overcoming our jealousies.

Polyamory is about committing ourselves to a group of people and purpose(s) that we identify with and love to be with. Polyamory is about mutually sharing one life with a group of people whom we believe in and identify with. Polyamory is about living a wholesome, healthy and responsible life. It is about leaving a foundation behind for other humans to build on when our era has past. This includes those that have consciously chosen to practice monogamy. Polyamorists, like most other minority groups in the world, face bigotry and discrimination in their lives by people who would choose to dictate how other's should live their lives.

Polyamory encompasses a broad spectrum of lovestyles ranging from near the edge of swinging on the one end of the spectrum, to polyfidelity at the other, which is much like monogamy except with more than two people involved. But in all cases, it involves emotional relationships among more than two people. In some poly relationships, some of the partners have no sexual relations and are typically "V" relationships. Poly is clearly about emotions and feelings above sex, but I am not aware of any purely spiritual poly-family! My own poly ideal is a filled triangle leaning toward the polyfidelity side of the spectrum. Poly is a concept rather than a method. Our own poly-mind finds its root in the concept, but its application is specific to us, adapted to the beliefs of each of us. The success of a relationship is dependent upon each member's willingness to adjust his/her beliefs with the others' beliefs.

What Polyamory Is Not

Polyamory is not swinging.
Polyamory is not about recreational or promiscuous sex. Most Polyamorists are not promiscuous people. Swinging is defined as recreational sexual activity, also called "sport sex" where partner(s) or participant(s) agree to have casual sex with each other(s). There is usually no emotional involvement as in polyamory. Swinging is a form of monogamy in which usually two primary partners agree to have casual sex with other couples or singles. Swingers have their own organizations, newsletters, and contact networks. They are not likely to find much of an interest in polyamory except by coincidence. The polyamory and swing communities are allies under the alternative lifestyles banner. Many swingers have transitioned to the polyamory way of life through their desire to be emotionally committed in a multipartnered relationship.

So, are polys "swingers"? Pali Paths of Hawaii answers this question with the following, which we think is an excellent explanation:

"Polyamory is about close intimate personal relationships rather than casual sex, and poly groups do not hold sex parties or serve as pick-up clubs. Polys vary a good deal in their attitudes toward casual or recreational sex, though most polys are sensuous, adventuresome people. Still, many swingers may find that polyamory is a natural step onward in their relationship path, carrying them beyond recreational sex to multilateral intimacy."

Polyamory is not polygamy.
Polygamy is the practice of having one dominant man with many wives and potentially more children. Polyamory is about allowing fully equal respect and freedom of the heart and soul for all partners allowing intimate love of others without domination in ownership or jealousy.

Polyamory is not a group, sect, or cult.
It is not a group, sect, or cult asking Polyamorists to isolate themselves from their loved ones or asking them to follow a specific dogma or doctrine. It is not about your family member isolating themselves away from their family of origin but about expanding the family.

Are We Ready for This?

We are here. We live among you, and have, some of us, for many years. And you have not known us. We are among your close friends and valued parishioners, but there are essential things about who we are that you probably have never known. Unless, of course, you are one of us, yourself.

Some content used by permission from other poly organizations. Credits:

Small hearts icons and and a few other ideas came from Twin Cities Polyamory

General Information on Polyamory came from  the Polyamory Resource Center.

Many thanks to Brian Frederick, from  Pali Paths of Honolulu, who continues to be very helpful with suggestions for discussion topics.

"What Is Polyamory" is based on the definition found at The Polyamory Society

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This site was created June 12th, 1999